Family vacations can be…intense. Sure, you may get to explore a really neat part of the world with people you love deeply, or visit your hometown and catch up with cousins you haven’t seen since pre-pandemic times—but you might also wind up scream-crying at your brother about some decades-old issue at the hotel bar.
Travel, in and of itself, can put you on edge. You’re away from home, out of your routine, and suddenly around people you potentially haven’t lived alongside in years. Old wounds open right back up, personalities clash, and, before you know it, you’re acting like you’re 16 again, calling your mom a bitch in public. Not to mention, people can have wildly different expectations of what they want out of a vacation, Madeline Lucas, LCSW, a therapist based in New York and New Jersey, tells SELF.
You, for example, might view your week-long stay in a rental house at the Jersey Shore as a chance to relax and unwind from your high-pressure job. Your mom, on the other hand, might see the trip as an opportunity for your family to do adventurous activities together and make new memories. It can feel like (and sometimes is) a lose-lose situation. When you’re stressed out, the rational part of your brain shuts down and the emotional part takes over, Lucas says. The result: You melt down and can’t even appreciate the all-you-can-eat buffet you were so looking forward to.
If you have a trip coming up and are concerned there’s going to be an intergenerational blow-up—since, you know, that’s what happened on every other family vacay—we’re here to help. SELF asked two family therapists if it’s even possible to make it out alive when you’re, say, stuck on a 10-day cruise with six people who’ve known you since you were a baby.
Believe it or not: It is. You just need to get your head on straight and prep yourself for the worst. Here are five strategies that can help you stay sane(ish) on your family vacation this summer.
Think about what gets on your nerves ahead of time.
It’s worth reflecting on your family dynamics before you go on your trip, Saba Harouni Lurie, LMFT, ATR-BC, owner and founder of Take Root Therapy in Los Angeles, tells SELF. It can be easy to forget how tumultuous the vibe gets when you’re with your parents and siblings, or to think that maybe this will be the time things are different. Remind yourself of how these interactions typically play out: Do you tend to feel jealous of your put-together older sister? Does your wacky uncle bring up political views that make your skin crawl?
